The saga begins as a young plebeian arrives at the Baylor Barbour Kollege of Knowledge, as transferee, trustee, for the Kampus Reverie. After an evening of Hairyleg sniffing and scuffling, said supplicant settled in with a bottle of good 'ol Johnny Whopper and proceeded to seek Nirvana and the 5 fingered Lady of the Fates. And Lo, in his stupor, a vision of a venerable old artifact with a pronounced probuscus did appear, took a shot of schnapps, promptly dropped to a squat, and screamed "ChamberPots". This confounded the novice greatly.
Time and examinations passed as the semester transpired and this apparition faded from his memory, except for ocassional flashbacks in fits of inebriation. And so it went for our clueless one, until one fine fall day a strange notice appeared in the men's wash room of the obligatory Kampus Chapel, which our young rebebel often used to sleep off the nights reveries, visit the 5 fingered Goddess, and ditch the pontifications of the Tidwell Tower of Power Hippo-crytes.
And what to his bloodshot eyes did appear - right there on the cubicle door, but a cryptic message beseaching curious infidels to appear before a tribunal and be judged for worthiness. "Appear in the bowels of the Student Union promptly at 8 pm during the next full moon".
— What the Freek, thought he. — Even more confounding was the strange message at the bottom of the Epistle: "Nobody knows what the NoZe Knows".
This quite unsettled our naive sophomore over the next few weeks as the Moon was waxing closer and closer to fullness and these words kept returning. As if a moth lured by the flame, he could not resist attending the gathering. After sufficient lubrication, he arrived at the meeting to find a strange gathering of very curious folks with even more curious names. Brother HalfNoze Atherton, Bro. HarleyNoze Davidson, Bro. OrisNoze Clyde, and so on.
They entreated and repeated: "Fill out the form - don't forget your GPA - and join the Order of the Rank, Vile, and Despicable. Strike a blow for Decency, Truth, and the Pursuit of Happiness". (And, in all fairness, a strong pitch to sign up as a Bible Salesman by HarleyNoZe.)
The next few weeks were spent with visits by various Brothers NoZe, Journeys to Elm Mott, and boo-kool tankards of brew. Inspected, detected, rejected? — And then, awakened from a deep sleep in the before mentioned Chapel, the supplicant's dreams came true. The Glorious, Notorious Groucho prosthesis was placed on his face and the Chrome Plated Holy Church Key was unveiled.
And thus, the First Revelation of LongNoze was revealed: the future WhizNoze, Most Virginal of all Pledges (MVP) and KoKoKeeper of the Holy Icon set forth as a NeoPhyte on his noble and glorious Quest.
The next few months must be omitted - to enlighten the Infidel as to the Initiation of the BrotherHood would subject the author to penile reduction (Gobble, Reverse Viagra), Excommunication from the Host, and removal of his name forever from the Holy Law and eliminate any possibility whatever of being invited to join the Skull and Bones Society. Double Gobble!
That being said, after much bribery with cheap wines and corn likker, The Noble NoZemen recanted and granted NoZeHood to our young NeoPhyte who duly chanted the Holy Obiesance and was dubbed Brother WhizNoZe. — Satch, ReSatch And Double Satchel.
What follows is a brief summary of events to the end of the spring semester at the Baptist Kollege of Knowledge.
It should be understood, the Brotherhood was still pretty much an Underground society. The puppet Dean Perry
¹ (aka Toxic Waste King) attempted often to blame the Noble NoZe for any and all perceived indiscretions that offended the Pious Baptist Board of Bards. The ChamberPots (Chamber of Commerce - organizers of Kampus Activities and custodians of the Bear Pits) were his darlings. Gobble! The NoZe diligently reminded the Unfaithful Infidels of the error of their ways, and exposed the Bear Shit — via the Rope which would appear overnite on the Kampus in the Dorms, and other popular gathering Holes. These Epistles generally pissed off the UnKlean Dean. However, Bro HalfNoze, the Klever Cunning Linguist and Chameleon could always placate the reprobate potentate by assuring him he could always contact the Brotherhood via Parcel Post. "What a twit said Half" with a laugh. That was basically the extent of the Brotherhood's transparency and exposure.
To "out" the Devout, the derainged Deen Peabrain proposed granting the Brotherhood a permanent meeting space in the bowels (Satchel) of the Student Union (SUB). After much contemplation, meditation, and constarnation on part of the whole, the Fellowship voted to indeed proceed. Thus Holy Temple #3, East Waco Diocese, Jerusalem on the Brazos, was Consentrated, Dedicated and the Dean Placated.
[
Holy Temple #1 being located in Elm Mott as Waco was Dry and not so High when the NoZe first conscripted LongNoze - who just happened to own a horseless buggy - as The First High Potentate. Holy Temple #2 remains covert to this day for security reasons - withstanding attempts by the early tort sporting KoHorts to defame, blaim, and dePlame it. Gobble de Spooks ]
Thus it came to pass, the Wholy of Holy's was Consecrated, Illuminated, and Celebrated. The KoKoKeeper of the Holy Law presented this and other venerated artifacts to the Humble Brethern and a new ERA emerged.
And the NoZe, of course resorted to the usual Tom Foolery and ChastiZment of the Infidel. Notable victories:
• Most Mysteriously Bro. LongNoZe's Noble Image appeared in the football card section along with the usual Rah, Rah: Go Burley Bears, Aggies Suck, Longhorns Blow, etc.
• Kampus reBeautification. Re: The infamous Burning Bridge Lie. Rather than torch and scorch, the Brethern decided in '63 to give it a good pink and blue makeover.
• Bear Pits. Same deal. Noticing ChamberPot (Gobble) neglect, the Venerable gave the holier than thou's a good reminder to repent by splashing a little pink and blue in the pit. All the above were done under the cover of darkness after Hairylegs were escorted back to their dorms and the Kampus Kops were sent in pursuit of wild geese, the ocassional hooker, and the usual Peeping Tom's Dick is Harry.
• Up Yer Stage: As part of the Honored Guest Program, the Brotherhood was deemed the only organization truly worthy to honor the one and ony Bennet Cerf. Duly Ordained as
Brother BoardNoZe in a ceremony of splendor, incense, and magnificence.
Other Nobles of NoZe infamy: Brother SkiNoze Hope - aka Bob. And let us NOT forget Brother CrackerNoZe Graham, dba Billy, the Right Reverend..!
Onward
¹ 